Compound Grief

Exodus 24:12-18 | Psalm 2 | 2 Peter 1:16-21 | Matthew 17:1-9
By Rev. Heather J. Blais, Rector
​
This has not been a regular week, and today I do not have a regular sermon.

In the last three weeks, our faith community has experienced four deaths. All unanticipated. All held an element of surprise. Charlie Houghton’s death was especially shocking, as she was just with us last Sunday offering the reading from the Hebrew Scriptures. Just as on Monday evening she was with the Emmaus Companions Bible Study, and had plans to be with us at Tuesday evening Vestry and Wednesday morning Eucharist. She was deeply woven into the fabric of our community. 

We are still in the midst of the ripple effect of these losses. Experiencing compound grief. Reckoning with our complex feelings. Every death that touches our lives will stir in us what we loved, what drove us nuts, and our last experience with them. Our hearts may ache or feel for grieving families. We may desire to help or fix, when at this time all that is really needed is our presence and our prayers. Showing up, and standing alongside those grieving, and alongside our community as we experience this wave. 

I often tell those who are grieving that grief will have its way with you. Coming on when we least expect it. It is not unlike standing waist deep in the ocean. As the waves try to pass through us, we are sometimes knocked down by a wave that looks no different in size from the last, where we held our ground. Or the tide may take away the sand under our feet. In both cases we may end up suddenly and surprisingly under water.

Grief defies sense and logic. Even the death of someone that may be practically a stranger can disrupt us. Stirring up old griefs for losses we thought we had fully grieved. Losses of beloved animal companions, of life stages, of jobs, or circles of friends. Grief will have its way with us. Grief will also compound losses that are harder to define, whether that be:

• the loss of stability in our country;
• the loss of civility by our elected officials and neighbors;
• the loss of climate regulations and the pending impact. 

All this is to say, whatever you may be feeling today, it is a worthy offering that God is ready to receive, and hold with you. Whether you knew those who died these last few weeks or not, we all know loss and the accompanying grief. To experience the balm of Gilead, we need to hold space for grief, for sleep, for drinking water, for eating regular meals, for laughter, and for showing up in community, where we are reminded that our community journeys with us. 

Today we reach a turning point in our church year as Epiphany comes to an end, and we enter the season of Lent on Wednesday. A season where we are reminded of our mortality, where we set more time aside for God so we might tend our relationship and examine our lives. All to prepare for entering into remembrance of Jesus’ sorrows, suffering, and death during Holy Week. 

This week I heard commentator, Rolf Jacobson, reflect on a sermon given, many years ago by preacher Mark Throntveit.* Throntveit offered a contrasting image, that I would invite us to hold in prayer and reflection this week. The image contrasts Jesus’ last two mountaintop experiences. 

First, is the mountaintop experience of the transfiguration. Jesus has taken Peter, James, and John up a high mountain. There Jesus’ appearance is transfigured into a dazzling bright being; Elijah and Moses appear and are speaking with him. Peter, in an act of hospitality, offers their tents so Elijah and Moses might remain there with Jesus.  All as a voice from above proclaims, “This is my Son, the Beloved; with him I am well-pleased; listen to him!” (Mt 17:5) 

Yet the next mountaintop experience is on the hill of Golgotha. This time Peter, James, and John have fled and abandoned Jesus. Instead of Jesus’ bright, dazzling appearance, his body has been beaten, and his clothes have been taken away. This time, instead of standing and conversing with Moses and Elijah, Jesus has been crucified, and hangs on a cross alongside two bandits. Instead of a voice from above identifying Jesus as God’s beloved Son, it is a voice from below, as the centurion and those gathered cry out, “Truly this man was God’s Son!” (Mt 27:54)

In the midst of life, we are in death. This isn’t news. Almost every week, in our blessing we remember that life is short. Yet in the fullness of life - and doesn’t it feel increasingly full - we do not always hold space to talk with our loved ones about our wishes, to make a will, or plan our burial service. This year, in light of the deaths that have touched our community, I would ask that each of us take time this Lent to tend to this vital work. And since we are mostly procrastinators, I want to give us a deadline: Good Friday. 

To help you talk with your loved ones about our healthcare wishes, our Pastoral Care Team has provided some paper copies of Five Wishes (digital version for purchase). This booklet helps us explore:

• The person we want to make care decisions when we can’t
• The kind of medical treatment we want or don't want
• How comfortable we want to be
• How we want people to treat us
• What we want our loved ones to know

There are local attorneys who can help you make a will or create a trust, including Western Mass Estate Planning in Shelburne Falls and  Grubber & Tripp in Greenfield. Or if you cannot afford to work with an attorney, use a free digital platform like FreeWill.

To help you plan your service, there are hard copies of our form, Funeral Instructions & Other Final Matters, as well as the accompanying Service Samples & Information Packet and you can also find them on our website. 

Taking the time to do this work is the final gift you can offer your loved ones. 
It makes impossible decisions more easeful. Please take the time to do this work, however inconvenient it may be, however young and healthy we may feel, before Good Friday. And if turning something in helps us avoid procrastination, send me an email to say the work is finished or to keep a copy of your burial plans on file. 

As we look from the mount of transfiguration towards the hill of the cross this Lent and Holy Week, may we lean into our grief and discomfort in order to have hard conversations and make plans. So we might live that much more fully knowing our loved ones understand our wishes and plans.  Amen. 



* https://www.workingpreacher.org/podcasts/1068-transfiguration-of-our-lord-february-15-2026

---